You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.

Women are for friendship, men are for fucking.

You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

Anything else around here need milking?

Hello, 911. I'm on fire.

If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. And at the same time have our hands free.

Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn.

I tell you, it is so refreshing to be with someone who likes to f**k outside the box.

I love the stock market. A room full of screaming, sweaty men, all trying to get it up.

If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.

I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever—and blow whomever—I want as long as I can breathe and kneel!

I'll tell you how to babyproof. Use a condom!

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore. If it's bad, you just had sex with an ex.

Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can.